It has been one of those weeks.  Disco baby *used* to have a routine, sure it wasn’t perfect; you couldn’t set your watch to it.  I didn’t particularly like the routine, but I really, really miss it now that it is gone.

He would go to bed between 7:30pm and 9pm.  If he went to sleep before 8:30pm it was a bit of a pain because he would wake every 30-45 minutes and need a snuggle; but hey, what are you going to do.  He only went to be early if he wouldn’t go down for his third nap.  He would sleep until 8-9am, not of course uninterrupted but he would only half wake up to eat and then we would both fall asleep again.  No problem.  He would stay up for 30 to 60 minutes in the morning and then sleep for 2 hours.  This is the part I wasn’t in love with.  If I wanted a nap that was too early for me and I couldn’t sleep, but oh well.  It gave me time to get some stuff done (which I never did, I would just read my blogs).  Then he would take a nap around noon and a nap around three (maybe).  The afternoon bit was up in the air but that was ok, it meant if we went out he wasn’t a bear because it was “nap time” he would just roll with it.

Now my hubby would say if it takes 10 minutes to explain a routine, it is not a routine.  But what does he know?

Ha!  Starting last Monday Disco-Baby would get up at 4:30 am and throw a party. Yaaaay!  Then *assuming* I could get him back to sleep by 5:30 or 6am  he *might* sleep till seven.  Owie!  Not good for a night owl like me.  So between being completely exhausted and it being a million degrees I was cranky, the last thing I need was a cranky,  hot, sticky baby who would not NAP!

This was my routine about a million times a day.  Lay him down then he would roll onto his belly.  If he wasn’t already tired he was happy for about 5 minutes then he would start fussing because he didn’t want to hold his head up anymore.  But would he roll over, NO! And if I rolled him over he would scream and roll right back, and fuss because he doesn’t want to be on his belly.  Repeat. 

I tried to pin him down, I tried to use the positioning pillows to prop him on his side(the way he preferred about a month ago.  I tried to get him to sleep in his swing.  I tried to get him to sleep in my lap.  I tried to walk him to sleep.  I tried to get him to sleep in his stroller.  NOTHING!  (And it was waaay to hot to use the carrier).

Just for more fun he would constantly roll onto his belly when he is sleeping.  Not only do I prefer that he sleep on his back because of SIDS, he can not/will not go put himself back to sleep if he wakes.  See he was pretty good about going back to sleep on his own if something would wake him.  So what to do?  Yesterday I tried to encourage him to learn to put himself back to sleep on his belly, by just shhhh-ing him without snuggling and gently putting his head back down when he would lift it up.  But to be honest, I am really nervous about him sleeping on his belly.  I am so worried that he won’t get enough air.  I know they say that once a baby can roll over you do not have to reposition him, but he isn’t terribly good about rolling from his belly to his back.  So if he were struggling in his sleep I do not know if he could roll over or cry so I would know he is in trouble.

So what did you all do when your baby got to this stage?  Let them sleep on their belly or keep rolling them over?

 

(Oh and Disco-Baby says he will nap once he learns to crawl… great.  I think it will be another month before he figures out the whole crawling thing.  Then the fun begins.  I am such a pack rat.  There is clutter everywhere and the house is packed with furniture because we are renovating the basement.)

Every time I see someone write or say something like "I just do what the doctor tells me" or "My doctor knows best" I just want to scream.

Seriously, you know what they call the person who graduated last in their class at Medical school... Doctor.

It is completely unreasonable to expect any one person to a) never have a bad day b) never make a mistake and c) be informed about every aspect of an ever-changing and incredibly vast subject matter.

Do you think doctors have time to research your problem?  Have you EVER heard of a doctor calling a patient back the next day and saying "you know I think I may have made a mistake/not listened to you/etc"?  Have you ever realised later that the advice you gave was wrong?  (Recommended the wrong part or the wrong book, charged the wrong price, given the wrong directions)  Do you think doctors do not have the same problem on occasion?

Do you think doctors are without bias and may not just listen to what you say but hear it through some personal prejudice based on your gender, age, race, income level, clarity, or other factor?  Do you think all doctors are immune to the power bestowed on them?  Power Corrupts.  Another universal rule: people are stupid, stupider than you expect, no exceptions, including yourself.  Certainly, you have had moments where you felt like the dumbest person on the planet.

Not to mention the pharmaceuticals that are lobbying them, the medical association and sometimes hospitals etc putting pressure on them (for example this doctor who resigned when the hospital tried to make her perform more c-sections?)

You can ask 10 doctors to diagnose the same patient and get 10 different diagnoses.  You can give 10 doctors the same diagnoses and they may come up with 10 different ways to treat it.  They can't all be right all the time. 

Doctors are people with their own biases, strengths, weaknesses, skills, training, and foibles.  Doctors are only people; no more, no less.

Disco-Baby fell out of bed… ooops.  Ok it was my fault.  Hubby got up from the nap and said that Disco-Baby is up too but amusing himself.  I should have known better, he was half out of the bed the other day while I was getting dressed; but that time I had left him near the end.  Oh, and no he didn't fall off the side, see I was thinking about getting a side rail.  He fell off the foot of the bed.  He is fine, he fell on the pile of quilts.  There is a quilt folded up as a dog bed, laundry, and then another quilt folded in half over all that where I have slept for a half hour here and there during the night because I am very cranky when it is hot.

See part of me still believed in the "Continuum Concept", you would think I would have learned when after 3 months of carrying my baby (not usually in a carrier, but just in arms) one night, after nights and nights of screaming around 7pm.  I put him down, in his crib in a darkened room.  And he stopped crying (after a few minutes) and fell asleep.  Often I find what he needs is quiet.  If we are out somewhere where everyone is fussing over and starts act cranky I will put him down somewhere safe away from the action for 15-30 minutes.  He doesn't often sleep; he coos, he plays with his hands and feet, and he watches (not people, but light through a window or whatever).

Now, I will admit, that attachment parenting probably didn't work too well because I would just sit with the baby.  I found it too hard to do anything with him in my arms.  Too awkward, I was too worried about hurting him, dropping him, etc, etc.  Also I was tired, desperately tired and breastfeeding did not go well and took up much of my time (oh and pumping, because I was using a nipple shield).  So I guess I wasn't truly following "the method".

(Also, as an aside I find the suggestion that moms use slings almost exclusively, to protect the babies spine ridiculous.  Mom's spine is just as important and for 3 months post partum relaxin is still affecting her joints.  To carry the weight of a baby on one shoulder is bad, really bad.  Wraps are great.  They support the weight on both shoulder, allow for many positions.  However they are hot and kind of awkward)

Ok, back to my point.  The continuum concept states that children won't fall into pits or pools or otherwise hurts themselves.  So I thought, surely Disco-Baby will not *actually* fall off the bed.  Maybe Disco-Baby is too young and should still be "in arms".  Maybe by putting him down I have taught him not to trust his instincts.  Maybe the whole Continuum Concept is a crock of, well you know.  However, it just makes sense to me it says that puppies and kittens don't fall into pools or off cliffs.  But then I realize that puppies and kittens *do* fall into toilets, and although they do not drown, they sometimes can not get out.  Also my mom used to have to rescue the family of wild cats (mom and kittens) from the dumpster all the time.  They would jump in but be unable to get out if the garbage were below a certain level.

So now what to do about Disco-Baby?  I am sure he is not going to go anywhere while I am in bed with him, but a) lately he wants to nap alone (except today when he will not nap AT ALL) and b) I don't want to sleep as much as he does. 

I could put him in his crib but there is no AC in the nursery and it is too hot. 

I could put the side back on the sidecar crib and he could sleep in there.  But frankly at night with the three of us we need the extra space provided by the side car and it isn't often the baby who is sleeping in the crib.  (It's me ok, or at least half of me.)  The second crib will not fit in the bedroom. 

I could maybe put the second crib mattress on the floor but then it would also be a dog bed.  Disco baby could nap on the mattress on the floor.  (I lock the dog out of the room when baby is asleep alone, because he is used to jumping on the bed whenever the other neighbour dogs so he can see out the window.

I could buy/beg/borrow/build a foot board for the bed.  But then I would have to climb over it every time I get into and out of bed.  Which is frequently, and first thing in the morning I barely have the strength to get myself out of bed with the baby in my arms as it is.  (Yes, I would make sure there is no gap for the baby to get stuck, 'k?)

I could put the second AC unit in the nursery.  However we can barely avoid electric as it is. And I am not sure how well it would work.  I mean this week he wants to fall asleep on his own, but next week when it isn't a million degrees… who knows?

We could put the mattress on the floor without the box spring and try to get the crib mattress on the same level so we don't loose space, or try to get another regular mattress (like a double or queen).  Hubby however doesn't seem sold on this idea.  He didn't even really like the old futon we had, said it was too low to the ground.

So fellow co-sleepers what do you think?  (And if you think co-sleeping is dangerous because the adults will roll over and crush the baby I will be happy to debate you sometime.)

       

It is, quite frankly ONE MILLION DEGREES.  And I am not a fan of the summer at the best of times.  It went up to 36°C (97°F) but with the humidex it was 48°C (118°F).  It felt much, much warmer than that.  With no wind, and it doesn’t cool down at night.

Of course it was almost this hot yesterday and will be the same tomorrow, but I will try to write something at some point.  Until then I just wanted to say:

I promise you a real post later.... but picture this.

2 am, the dog opens the screen door to attack a raccoon that is taunting him through the window.  So hubby runs out and spends 10 minutes trying to break them up....

BUCK NAKED in full view of the street. 

Take that neighbour who hit our car and didn't even leave a note.

(I don't have a picture because I was, sadly, sleeping at the time.  But because I love embarrassing photos of other people as much as the next gal.  Shhhh don't tell hubby)

My "little" baby was too big for his infant car seat before he was even four months old.  He had exceeded the weight and though he was about an inch off the height it just didn't fit right anymore.  But the convertible ones look so scary.  Seriously, they scared me, to think of putting my little guy in there.  He looked like he would be swallowed whole.  They were so upright, he couldn't sit up on his own, he could barely sit upright supported.  I know the convertibles ones say from birth onwards, but I just couldn't see it.  But I knew I had to do something, so the search started.

I read reviews, reviews and more reviews.  I started a spreadsheet to compare the maximum weights and lengths, features, safety standards, prices.  It was a mess <lol>  I started to obsess about the safety reports.  One site would say car seat x was the safest, another site would rank it in the middle (But they are all really, really safe right?  The minimum standards are pretty high, don't you think?).  There were product recalls after product recalls.  Parent reviews of how the strap adjusters stopped working properly rendering the seat unsafe, or this part breaking.  Seats only lasting a year, but other people said the same seat lasted through two kids. 

I know from experience how badly designed some car seats are.  Our infant seat is a nightmare, it was a hand-me-down.  And while I am sure it is perfectly safe, almost everything about it annoys me.  I can barely get the handle up or down.  To adjust the harness straps takes a pair of pliers, 15 minutes and brute strength.  Really they should be adjusted before each trip, particularly in the spring where one day baby is wearing a snowsuit and the next day just a t-shirt. Buckling the harness is also a pain.  It can appear to be in, when it is not.  Sometimes it trips into locked when the belt isn't in, so you can't get the belt in until you press the release button again.  Also, I find it hard to lift the seat straight up while pulling the release on the base.

I also firmly believe that if 70% of car seats are installed incorrectly, 100% (or close to it) are designed incorrectly, because I really doubt that parents don't care.  My friend had her infant seat installed by the police (a free service here).  It took two grown men to push down hard enough and tighten the belt enough to get it in properly.  That is nuts.

So here I am looking for the safest, perfectly designed car seat, with the biggest weight allowance and the lowest price without leaving the house.  (Which is impossible because really how do you know how easier it is to use the latches/buttons etc without using them yourself).  When someone threw a wrench into the works. 

There is one infant seat on the market that doesn't have an upper weight limit of 20/22lbs.  It goes up to 30 lbs and says it fits 97% of babies at one year.  However when you read the fine print that statement is based on the growth charts and the growth charts do not cover a lot of babies it seems to me.  I know Disco-Baby has gone from 50^th percentile to off the top of the charts, but will probably slow and end up back on the charts again, because breastfed babies do that compared to the old charts based on formula feedings and early introduction to solids.  However I also have this fear that he will continue to grow exponentially leaving the charts further and further behind.  (And no I don't think he is too fat, though he is pretty chubby, he is also off the chart for length).  This infant seat also has some other cool features, like a level adjuster so you don't have to use towels and a level indicator so you know when it is at the right level (Duh!  Why don't they all have this!!!!) 

So then I stopped, I couldn't decide what would be better.  This infant seat and hope it would take him through to when he can go front-facing.  Then get a front-facing only seat that are a) often cheaper than convertible ones, b) have bigger upper weight limits, and c) will fit him comfortable at a year when he is more of a toddler size.  Or to get the convertible one, which will probably fit him comfortable for a years and if it doesn't I can always replace it. (Because I am made of money after all)

So I gave up and waited for a sign from God or someone (like hubby) to make up my mind for me.

It is more than a month later, and Disco-baby can sit up more or less now, so we will probably get a convertible one.  However, I still have stage fright about it.  But hopefully this week me, hubby and my mom (who is paying for it yaaaaaaaaaaaaay.  Oh likes she one of the Eddie Bauer convertables) will find a store and go sit Disco-Baby in a bunch of them.  Adjust the straps, use the buttons, and see if they fit in the back of our little car.  Hopefully one will leap out as the obvious best for Disco-Baby (because babies are all different, like Disco-Baby's cousin who is almost two and weighs only a pound or two more than him and happily fit in the same infant seat we are using until she was walking.  I know because I happened to be there when they installed the anchor)

So, any last minute advice?  (And do you think I am neurotic?  Honestly, at least I haven't rushed Disco-Baby off to the ER and doctors repeatedly and I don't care when dogs lick him or he puts weird things in his mouth…. That makes me not neurotic right <lol>)

Tonight I put Disco-Baby to bed early.  I hate doing this, if he goes to sleep between 7 and 8:30 pm he is up every 15 minutes until 9pm.  Then he sleeps (well except for his feedings ever 2-3 hours<lol> but for those he eats in his sleep).  But he was tired, cranky and just not going to take it anymore so I put him to bed. 

When I finally escaped, it was only 10 minutes before I was in there again.  He wasn’t awake he wasn’t asleep.  He wanted to snuggle and suck his thumb, he wanted to nurse and not touch me (You just can’t do all those things at once).  I got him back to sleep, read beside him for awhile and then snuck away thinking he would sleep for a bit.

I came out to my computer and I hear “rattle”.  Hmmm… strange.  Maybe I am hearing things “rattle, rattle”… “rattle, rattle, rattle”.  I had to go peek, usually he can’t hold the bunny that long or looses interest.  So I snuck up on him, but he caught me, so I climbed into bed.  I decided to read and let him play.  I just wanted to make sure he didn’t get stuck under a pillow again or something. 

So he lay on one side of the bed and I lay on the other reading and just looking over now and then.  Suddenly he is beside me on his belly.  Aha!  Caught him! The other day I found him with a sheet that I had left in the crib (it is up against the bed without a side as a co-sleeper) but he was exactly where I left him in the middle of the bed. 

Disco-Baby is too cute on his belly, but he normally won’t volunteer to be that way.  Also when we put him on his belly when he decides is done he cries until we roll him over.  I know he can do it himself, but he won’t.  But he starts rooting around my breast trying to find my nipple.  I figured once I gave it to him he would roll into a comfortable position to nurse in, so I lifted my shirt and undid my bra.  WRONG.  He wanted to nurse on his belly. 

I let him try for a few minutes but it was too painful for me, so I rolled him onto his side.  And he screamed, and screamed, and would have nothing to do with my breast.  So I rolled him back onto his belly and moved around until I could find a way for him to nurse.  Until he started to fall asleep, then we moved back to a normal nursing position.

He wants it his way, and he gets it his way…

I am doomed.

Ok, so I can no longer deny it my baby is teething, and being a n00b mom I don't know what to do.  See I had it in my had that baby was miserable for a day or two and then the tooth popped through.  Maybe I just had it in my mind so that I would be willing to go through with this whole motherhood thing.  He has been teething on and off for a month now; and on for about a week (am I the only one who can to longer tell one day from the other, ask me if something happened yesterday or the day before and I can't figure it out)

 

Two days ago whenever he was hungry first he would put my nipple between his lips and let out the groan.  I had to pump before I went to bed, I guess he just wasn't up to eating much; too bad my breasts didn't get the memo.

 

Yesterday I spent an hour in the morning trying to keep Disco-Baby's thumb out of his mouth.  He is quite a thumb sucker, and understandable because his mouth was hurting he wanted comfort, comfort from his beloved thumb.  However, said thumb coming into contact with gums led to SCREAMING.  NOT FUN AT ALL.  After three hours of fussing and crying (and hand pinning) he decided he would be happier outside, so we sat on the front porch for an hour while a read my magazine.  (Where was hubby in all this?  About an hour into screamfest he got up and asked what was wrong, and then said he only wanted "one more hour" of sleep because he was up late talking to his brother.  Whatever)

 

Finally he took a nap.  He was better after that, though still chomping down hard on anything he could get his hands on and drooling like a rabid dog.

 

I can not stand the crying… makes me feel sick to my stomach.  So what do you do for teething?

 

Please answer the following if-Proust-blogged questions

What is the quality you most admire in a blogger?

Snark noun N. Amer Informal

1)      Describes a witty mannerism, personality, or behaviour that is a combination of sarcasm and cynicism. Usually accepted as a complimentary term. Snark is sometimes mistaken for a snotty or arrogant attitude.

2)      Any language that contains quips or comments containing sarcastic or satirical witticisms intended as blunt irony. Usually delivered in a manner that is somewhat abrupt and out of context and intended to stun and amuse. Origin: Snark="snide remark".

 

What is your most marked blogging characteristic (or, how would you describe your blog)?

Discombobulated

 

What is your greatest virtue as a blogger (what do you most like about your blog)?

Besides snark?  My goal as a blogger is to overcome my writer's block, which is really just a symptom; truly I have lost my voice and some of my sense of self.  I want to discover who I am and relearn how to speak to the world, particularly my husband.  To trust in my own perceptions and and feelings and believe that people want to hear what I want to say.

 

What do you regard as the principle defect of your blog?

It uses some free software and is probably pretty buggy.  I am new to this whole blog thing, so I am still finding my style; also there are less than 10 entries.  Truly, most days are the same as the one before.  I sleep, the baby sleeps, I feed the baby, I cook, I eat, repeat.  I never leave the house.  Hopefully I will get out more and have more to write about.

 

What character of fiction do you most wish had a blog?

Dirk Gently; that man knew snark, used the "Zen method of Navigation" and met Thor and Zeus.

 

What historical or real life person do you most wish had a blog?

Obviously, Douglas Adams.  I wish my high-school economics teacher had a blog.  It was always great to hear him put news stories into an economic frame-work.  Also, I love debating him.

 

What is your present state of blog (present state of mind as a blogger)?

<lol> Experince level 1: novice.

 

What is your blog motto?

My official blog motto, or at least what it says where my profile is supposed to go is: "Another Canuck mom tries to take over the blogiver".  I prefer blogverse, but I googled it and there seems to be a consensus that it's blogiverse, so what are you going to do.

I think a better motto for my blog would be the motto for North Carolina: "Esse quam videri"; To be, rather than to seem.

 

Then, select and answer the questions from the list below that you feel will most reveal the person behind the blogger, as many or as few as you like (from the original – abridged – Proust questionnaire)

 

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

To feel that your life has no purpose, that you have made no impact on the world and never will and that no one would notice if you were no longer around.

Who are your heroes in real life/fiction?

Those who, through struggle, find out who they really are.  You can start out poor, and become a millionaire, overcome debility, or save the city from the super-villain.  These are all laudable things.  But an unexamined life is not worth living, and those who can discover and accept who they really are, are the true heroes.

What historical figures do you most despise?

I despise most those who feel that "they" are less than human.  That "we" have souls and "they" do not.  That "we" are civilized and "they" are not, that "we" are intelligent and "they are dumb".  That "they" care less for themselves, their families, their community or their god.

Whether "they" are blacks, aboriginals, women, homosexuals we are all human, we are all equal.

What is your favorite virtue?

The four virtues are temperance, prudence, courage, and justice.  Temperance is just silly, eat all the chocolate you want there will still be enough for me.  But the ability to know what is right (prudence) and do what is right is the best virtue of all.

 

Who or what would you have liked to be?

I would have liked to have been a successful programmer before I became a mom.  I also used to want to be a vet, now I am not so sure.

My number one secret dream (though it is completely incompatible with motherhood and practically impossible) is to be a photographer for National Geographic.  I love photography and nature, I am so curious about other cultures and I think I would love to travel.

 

Where would you like to live?

Rosedale, the Bridal Path, or Forest Hill; a big yard, a nice house, a safe neighbourhood and just minutes from the convenience and diversity of downtown.  A hobby farm, maybe in Europe.  The 1800's when fashion was easier, times were simpler, lives were more clearly defined and life was good <lol>  Ok, it wasn't but it seems like it was from where I am.

 

What is your most marked characteristic?

I can see all sides of almost any issue, this makes me flexible and non-fanatical.  It means I am empathic and I hope that makes me a better friend and a better person.  It also means I can be indecisive, ambivalent, and can find it hard to express my opinion.  Even if I feel passionate about something I won't want to make someone feel badly about their choices.  Also if you really want my opinion you may end up with five, which isn't helpful if you were hoping for advice that would solve your dilemma.

Also I am full of useless trivia and endless stories.  Of course I don't have the kind of useless trivia that wins game shows<lol>

 

What do you most value in your friends?

Someone who calls even if I don't call back, someone who makes plans and invites me along.  I don't call people back until I have enough time, or it's the right time, of course then time passes and the more time that passes the guiltier I feel and the harder it is to plan.  Also I have trouble planning things more than a day in advance, because what if something else comes up, things change.  Better not to make plans than to cancel them, or miss something, or let someone down.  I'm an awful friend, I'm glad a few people put up with me.  I wish I had more friends though.

 

What natural gift would you most like to possess?

Perfect Housekeeper.

 

How would you like to die?

In my sleep, in my bed, at 115 years old

 

 

 

 <p> And you asked for a photo of some part of me so here it is:

 

 

I was reclining on the couch today with the Disco-Baby propped up between my legs, so if he fell over he wouldn't fall of the couch; and because I had just been woken up from my nap.  It was hot so I was wearing underwear and a t-shirt, baby was wearing a diaper and a t-shirt.  He was happily making googly eyes at daddy.  He had spit up a bit and when Hubby decided to pick him up he noticed the couch was a little wet.  So he started to clean it up, thinking it was just spit-up….

But it wasn't.

It was poop.  It had escaped the diaper, and was all over baby, me and the couch.  Hubby ran off to clean off Disco-Baby, I ran off to take a shower, I pull of my t-shirt, bra and then I take of my underwear……….

And not only is my underwear covered in poo, it has poo on the inside too.  EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.

I may never feel clean again.