I know I've been AWOL for a couple of days and you all have missed me . 

Disco-Baby has been sick.  Nothing too serious, but he had blood in some diarrhea and while I was sure he was fine as he wasn't acting sick it worried me none-the-less.  (Not to mention the laundry)

I've been preparing my blog to a new site as I am getting free unlimited webspace and bandwidth in exchange for doing some web set up and design for the company my husband works for.  

Also I am hosting a BBQ on Sunday for all my friends, most of who have never been to my house in the two years since we moved.  Most of them probably won't come now.  You see we are in the burbs and they live downtown, and apparently you need a passport or something <lol>  The planning of this BBQ has only served to remind me why we don't get together with our friends more often; it isn't that we are anti-social, though we are, it is that they are impossible to get in touch with let alone make plans with.  I can't even count the number of e-mails and phone calls we have made and still at least 10 people haven't gotten back to us.  Also we started planning this whole thing about 5 weeks ago, and rather that just pick a date we called one of hubby's workaholic friends and asked what date he could possibly be free for and even he is just a "maybe" now.

This is not what I meant when I told Disco-Baby I wanted him to be an avid bookworm:

This is not a simple case, I do not know this woman nor do I truly know what happened in this case, only what I read in the news.  But I believe that this woman, this mother, did what she believed to be in the best interest of her child.  Maybe she is an unfit mother, I do not know, but without any evidence I am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt.

Every one of us has the right to make our own medical choices, no matter the evidence that our choices are wrong; and each of us who are blessed with being parents have the duty to make medical decisions for our child, in concert with any other guardians/parents that child may have.  This responsibility should not and must not be left up to doctors, social workers, or policy makers.  Only in cases where a patient is not mentally competent and there is no other next of kin, power of attorney for health matters, or living will should the courts be allowed to make those decisions for us.  In cases where there is no living will, no appointed decision maker, no clear idea of what the person wants and there is a disagreement between kin should the courts step in and even then only to decide with whom the power to make the decision resides, and not the decision itself.

Another truth that should be self-evident is that you can NOT be forced to undergo any medical procedure or treatment for the benefit of another (or others).  This has been ignored from time to time and still is.  It is always wrong.  There is little difference between forcing someone to give blood to save someone else, forcing a mother to have a c-section for the benefit of her baby, and forcing someone to donate an organ(one you can live without) so a stranger can live.

Ostensibly, this article says this woman was convicted of refusing to take antiretroviral therapy and refusing to undergo a c-section.  This is not the case.  She could not be and was not convicted for anything that happened prenatally.  I do not know what happened between her first pregnancy and her second pregnancy that caused her to change her mind and not take the antiretroviral therapy.  I do not know if she was aware that she would now be "allowed" to delivery vaginally if she took antiretroviral therapy during her entire pregnancy and her viral load was below a certain level (1,000 copies per millilitre) and she agreed that her baby would receive antiretroviral therapy during his first 72 hours.  I do not know why she went off the antiretroviral therapy even though it had reduced her vital load to zero.

I do not know, because thank God, I have never had to look into HIV drugs and therapies.  I have never had to balance the risks of passing HIV to my baby with the risks of taking the drugs (both to myself and the baby).  There really isn't, to the best of my knowledge, very much in the way of long term study on the effects of these drugs on the developing brain.  I do know that these drugs can have devastating side effects in adults.  However, she had the absolute right to make a (hopefully informed) decision.  She also had the right to decide not to have her son treated or tested.

You may not agree with her choices, I am sure no-one not even she would have chosen this outcome.  To be without her children (the article says they were taken but CAS will not confirm whether they have them so may have them back) and her son with HIV.  But I will defend until my last breath my choice to have informed consent OR refusal for both myself and my minor children.  Do not judge this woman at least until you have heard her side of the story.  You do not know what it is like to walk in her shoes and why she made the decision she did.  Judge not lest ye be judged.

Well Disco-Baby it has been five long months.  There have been extreme lows and highs.  There are things I wish I could do over so I could change them and things I wish I could to again so I could enjoy them more or take more photos(like when you went swimming for the first time).

I wish I could go back in time and not go to the hospital; I wish I had had more faith in myself.  I wish I had tried things at home to reposition you but I just didn't think you were in the wrong position.  It is only with hindsight that I can see you were probably facing the wrong way.  I wish I had of left the hospital when they said you were tolerating labour well and there was no abruption.  I wish I hadn't let them whisk you away for a dumb reason right after birth.  Not bonding with you was my biggest fear and I am left with lingering doubts, because I didn't get to spend time with your when you were born, and that first week you felt like property of the hospital.  Know that I didn't leave your side except when I had to.  The hardest moment of my life was leaving the hospital without you.  I think I lasted four hours before I was begging go back.  I think it was almost 6 hours by the time we made it back.

I wish I hadn't let them cow me in the hospital.  I wish I had of demanded to see the doctor to tell me what was in the IV before it was too late and they had you sooo hopped up on sugar and excess water that they lied and said your kidney's weren't working.  I can not tell you the panic when I thought you would need dialyses and a transplant or would possibly die.  I thought it was all my fault.

I wish I had told the to jump off a bridge when the kept telling me to give you formula because you "they" needed to keep your blood sugar at some unreasonable level after all the glucose.  I should have paid more attention to the poster about infant stomach size.  I should have listened to my heart.  But in all honestly I poured most of the formula on you, instead of getting it in you.  <lol> 

I wish at any point we had of left the hospital AMA, but when you are locked in, sleep deprived and your hormones are insane it is hard to do.  The stress affected our nursing relationship, I could not nurse under the stress; especially after they started weighing you before and after each feed.  When the doc said we could go home you took so much food.  I forget how much but it was a lot, whereas for the 20 hours before we could not get any in you from my breast and I cup fed you.  Our nursing relationship has never really recovered.  Your latch is only about 70%.  Nursing you isn't really enjoyable, and sometimes it is, while not painful, annoying in a nails on the chalkboard kind of way.

But you came home and I didn't have to put you down anymore, and I didn't let anyone near you.  I had trouble letting people hold you.  Your dad and I changed your diapers and your Dad gave you your first bath because I was too nervous.  I cut you fingernails, and your fingers (more than once).  The first time it seemed as if I had cut off a huge chuck and you would need stitches and have a scar for life.  I panicked; luckily your dad was there.  And speaking of scars, you still have scars on your legs from the socks, and I suspect you will have them for many many years, if not forever.  I am sorry, but honestly I do not see how I could see that coming.

You learned to hold you head up, when you were four days old.

You were a couple of weeks old and you had a diaper rash.  I was trying to leave you naked but you were sleeping and I needed to put you down so I tried to lay you in a quilt in a Knob Hill Basket, and you didn't fit.  Your head and butt were jammed into the ends and your legs stuck straight up.  What did you do to deserve such an awful mommy?

I know most of your early pictures show you in your swing, or lying down on your own.  I want you to know I held you almost constantly but I took 95% of all the photos and well I couldn't photograph you in my arms.

You learned to roll over really early, but I was always making excuses, saying it was because you were on an unlevel surface, or it was because of how I laid you down.  I didn't want to admit you were growing so fast.  You fell of the couch onto a piled up quilt and off the bed onto a quilt on top of a pile of laundry, at least you have good aim.

You have learned to sit up, your dad and I were proud and yet sad the first time you could sit in a shopping cart.  We are glad you are doing so well, but it is sad to see you grow up so quickly.  Once when you were about two months old you fell asleep while we were shopping and we laid you down in the child seat.  You were so cute.

At four months you weighed 20lbs and were too long for your infant seat.  We just bought you a new car seat but we couldn't install it.  We are trying to book an appointment for the police to do it, but it is taking forever.  See you got the worst parents ever.

Singing "Mnah Mnah" always stops you from crying.  I can not stand to hear you cry.  It makes me nauseous, and if it gets worse I can not think, my heart races and I can taste the adrenaline pumping through my veins.  I do not understand why other people think a baby crying is cute.  And to all the people who say it is the only exercise you get, they obviously never met you.  You held your head up from the 4^th day and you kick your legs constantly.  I always know when you are tired because it is the only time your arms aren't in the air reaching, grabbing, or just moving.

I have been away from you 5 times.  Three times I went to the park a block from our house without you, twice I left you with Grandma Steeves and once with Daddy.  I also let Daddy drive you in a separate car on a family trip.  The drive was only 20 minutes and it still almost killed me.  The first time I left you with grandma you were about a week old,  I made it halfway through the park and I was so sick I had to come back.  Grandma Pounder wants to take you away for weekends and weeks when you are older.  I can not see being apart from you that long ever.

Your eyes are such a beautiful light blue, but no one can tell if your hair will be blonde or red.  Everyone kinda wants you to have red hair but we will love you anyway.

Both your great-grandmas come and see you at least once a week.  I hope you get to know them well.  They are both great women in their own way. 

Your step-grandfather who we named you after was one of the greatest men that ever lived.  He was so happy; he would find joy in everything.  Every night he deeply enjoyed grandmas cooking no matter what she made.  He loved planes and cars and hockey.  He made friends with everyone he met.  He wanted to be the first person to hold you after you were born, and I was soo deeply crushed when we learned he would never meet you; he went downhill so quickly.  I got to spend a lot of time in the hospital with him, and for that I am glad.  I almost went to an OB just to get an ultrasound so he could see you before he died.  But I knew that was silly.  He wanted you to be a hockey player after he found out what we were going to call you.  He said your name would look perfect on the Stanley cup.  Your grandpa loved you more in those few months than most people love someone in their lifetime.  I am so sad you didn't meet him; I hope somehow you will be just like him.

The whole time I was pregnant I knew you would be a boy, even though I wouldn't admit it.  I also didn't want to admit it when I got pregnant.  I knew probably the first or second day after you were conceived.  I hated telling people I was pregnant and your daddy wanted to shout it from the rooftops.  Literally, I had to keep him off the roof.

If I ever guilt you about the morning sickness, or the four days of labour, or the stretch marks, or anything else that happened because I was pregnant.  Know that I am kidding, my first thought after I gave birth to you was that was awesome and I want to do it again.  I am, in some ways, sad that you will never be able to experience it, but I am sure it was indescribably amazing for your dad as well.  I am not a huge fan of being pregnant, only because I do not like being fussed over.  But I hope one day you will have lots of brothers and sisters.

You kick me, constantly, but I love you anyway.  I have been extremely tired lately because of a lot of things, staying up, stress, and your nap strike.  So in the morning I wake up and feed you and then pretend to go back to sleep hoping your dad will get up.  You roll over and kick him in the balls until he wakes up, then you smile.  Usually he closes his eyes again.  Then you roll over and dig your nails into my nipples.  I guess you are a morning person <lol> your parents are not.  Although you are usually only up for 30 to 60 minutes then you go down for a two hour nap, so maybe you hate the mornings as much as we do.

You love blankies, and sheets.  You think stuffed toys are just ok, and other toys hold your attention only briefly.  (Except the toys on your exersaucer those you love).  You also love spoons, and bake ware, the remote control, and pulling hair.  Today you started to enjoy being flung up above our heads.  Your giggles are so cute (although for the first week you would only giggle for Jane.  She calls you her boyfriend)

You love dogs, all dogs, but Kenny most of all.  All you want to do is get down and play with the dogs when we go to the dog park.  The other owners get upset when their dogs lick you, but you secretly love it.  You love to touch them and watch them.  You don't even mind when they sit on you.  Kenny isn't terribly fond of you, he generally avoids you.  But I am sure once you have food to share you two will become fast friends (and the poor guy is going to end up weighing 100lbs).

The girls across the street: Sierra and Sage (and probably Arden though it is too hard to tell, she is younger than you) love you dearly and you flirt horribly with them.  It is so cute.  Sage always runs over and says "Wes-el-lee, Wess-el-lee".  Her mom won't let her kiss you on the lips so sometimes she kisses your feet.  You probably think you are king of the universe.  There are lots of other kids around here.  I hope you have tonnes of friends.

Your dad and I always try to do what is best for you, but some decisions are very hard to make.  I hope you understand that we always wanted what was best, and that we love you and will love you always.

You've spent last week and a bit so frustrated that you can not crawl, can not keep your foot in your mouth and can not always get your hands to do what you want.  Here is hoping in the next month you learn to crawl.  I can't wait until you can talk and tell me what you are thinking (though I am sure sometimes I will wish you had never learned).  We just borrowed a jolly jumper, I hope you like it.  It is monthiversary present, I guess.

I will love you always.  Happy Monthiversary.

You know I have just been reading Her Bad Mother's Basement (which is a totally awesome site and you have to go hang out there) and I have come to a conclusion about the argument with Aunt Toronto after reading this post.  I just couldn’t see it before because I like her so much, but she does not deserve any special status that I do not grant the rest of my family.  Ann Lander’s (I think) used to say something along the lines of “People only treat you they way you let them”.  And it is true.

So I will write a letter to the Neighbour, just in case he is offended, because I honestly do not want to have hurt his feelings.  However I am not going to go out of my way and try to get a gift certificate for him or anything.  I am a SAHM who doesn’t drive and lives in the ‘burbs.  Going places is a nightmare.  Not to mention I don’t have a lot of money.

However, as for Aunt Toronto, I have apologized and I think after 7 years I deserve the benefit of the doubt.  I think my apology should suffice and until she decides to not act like I am worse than a pile of dog shit I am not going over there.  She can invite me over when she is ready.  If FIL comes over again on Saturday then I will go shopping with MIL and then ask her to drop me off back here before she goes to see Aunt Toronto.

This has also been solidified by Hubby pointing out that she didn’t say anything at the time of the incident and neither did anyone else.  And Aunt Toronto isn’t the kind of person not to confront people despite what she said to me in the middle of her lecturing me.  Also, Aunt Alberta probably would have said something too.  This whole incident is bizarre, it is like hearing a storey about your last family get together in which not only do you not remember the events being described, everyone is acting in ways contrary to their nature.  I am not going to obsess and ask MIL and Aunt Alberta if they remember the incident and if I was out of line.

I am not going to loose any more sleep over it (or at least try not to), I have apologized and the ball is back in her court.

lach·ry·mose  (lkr-ms)

adj.

1. Weeping or inclined to weep; tearful.
2. Causing or tending to cause tears.

---

[Latin lacrimsus, from lacrima, tear. See lachrymal.]

(There is a point to all this and I will get there eventually.  However feel free to skip this post if you want, it is just me in a bad mood trying to work through it.  But at least you learned a new word)

 

Every Saturday my mother-in-law goes shopping with her mother who lives close to us.  This Saturday she dropped of my father-in-law to help hubby renovate the basement (which is possible the slowest renovation in history.  I predict it will be done in March.  And by done I mean the drywall will be up and mudded.  I will still need sanding which will somehow get lumped into painting which will become my job and none of the outlet/switch covers will be installed, etc)

Being as there are few things in the world I would like to do less than spend time with my father-in-law I decided the best thing to do would be to pack up Disco-Baby and go out shopping.  I bought a bunch of stuff some of which I needed and some of which I didn't, none of which we could really afford, but what the heck. (49¢ ea for a new toy and two pacifier strings to attach toys to the stroller and some stuff at the dollar store like an egg timer, some new pads for the coffee table legs, clothes pegs, oh I know I am such a big spender.  I did splurge on some discount "hand-crafted chocolates" two boxes at $4 each, but one is *supposed* to be a gift).

Anyway that is not the point of my storey.  After they shop usually what happens is that MIL and grandma drop by to see Wesley, then MIL drops grandma off and goes to visit Ted's aunt (Here on called Aunt Toronto).  Now truth be told Aunt Toronto is my favourite aunt even though I have three of my own.  Her twin sister (here on called Aunt Alberta) is a pretty close second but for obvious reasons I do not see her too often.  Now Aunt Toronto isn't perfect sometimes she drinks to much and gets much to loud for my preference, among other things, but hey no one is perfect. 

A couple of weeks ago Aunt Alberta was in town for 3 weeks.  She spent two weeks at MIL's and the last week at Aunt Toronto's.  Oh she was also in town with her daughter, who I like, but it hitting that awkward teenage stage.  It was a pretty good visit.  Hubby and I (well mostly me) threw ourselves, grandma, and Uncle Kitchener (brother of the aforementioned aunts and MIL) a birthday party.  It was pretty fun.  We also went to Uncle Kitchener's house and his sons new house, visited MILs best friend (who is always fun and cooks amazing Jamaican food).  However there were a bunch of times that they were supposed to call me and tell me what they were up to, but didn't.  I know sometimes there wasn't any room in the car but would it kill them to call and tell me.  Plus often they just hung out at a mall, even my local mall, they could have given me a little notice and I might have decided to hop a bus and join them.  After all, as I am sure most of you know, it is good to get out of the house when you have a baby.  Especially if where you are going is going to have lots of hands to pass him around.  So I had reason to be kind of miffed at them, but I was dealing.

Two days before Aunt Alberta was flying back home Hubby, Disco-Baby and I were out buying diapers and I suggested we drop by Aunt Toronto's and say good-bye to Aunt Alberta in case we didn't see her before she left.  I said we should call, Hubby says it is on the way if they are there they're there otherwise we'll give them a call later.  Now I noticed that Aunt Toronto didn't seem happy to see us.  In fact, she looked down right angry.  I figured it was because they were on there way out somewhere but Aunt Alberta wanted to snuggle Disco-Baby so we were delaying their plans. 

So I decided to tag along with MIL to Aunt Toronto's uninvited.  Aunt Toronto was not happy to see me.  I had no idea why, her neighbour was over but he drops by a lot.  So we visited for a bit and I just wanted to go but MIL was oblivious for the whole thing.  Then Aunt Toronto's best friend showed up and I thought maybe she is just annoyed at me interrupting her plans again. 

Well just before we left while MIL and friend are talking she hits me with it.  Apparently when I was there the time before as we got there neighbour was leaving and I said "Get lost Neighbour"(in a loud, obnoxious and totally serious tone of voice) which completely embarrassed and offended her.  I say apparently because I have no memory of the event and it really doesn't sound like something I would say, especially at someone else's house particularly to Neighbour who I happen to like.  Heck I let him tote Disco-Baby around.  Aunt Toronto is really, really pissed.  I press her for details hoping that if I remember enough of the surround events that moment will pop back into my mind so I can at least explain what the heck I was thinking.  All I can assume is I was making a joke about Neighbour being smart enough to leave when they were going out and me and Family interrupting univited; possible in response to some joking comment that someone (possible Hubby) made that Aunt Toronto didn't over hear.

She said that Hubby would remember because he saw the look she gave me (which I didn't).  He doesn't  have a clue.  He agrees that it absolutely doesn't sound like something I would say.  He wants to confront Aunt Toronto because he can see how upset I am (ok so I was sobbing like a baby, this was in the middle of the Nap Strike).  I am still upset about.  I wish she had of said something to me quietly at the time instead of letting it fester, and so I would remember. 

However, I think after 7 years of doing nothing to piss her off (that I know of) and her really enjoying being my favourite Aunt.  Also, she said when I asked that yes she does generally like me and I don't generally do things like that, or embarrass her, or piss her off.  I think considering all that and my apology that I deserve the benefit of the doubt, or at least a little forgiveness.  I even asked if Neighbour likes chocolate or anything that I can get as a token of apology, but she said just a verbal apology the next time I see him.  However I don't know when that will be as it is clear to me I am not invited back to her place, and to be honest I do not think I want to see her any time soon.  Maybe my apology didn't sound sincere, but it is hard to apologize for something that you do not remember that doesn't sound like something you would do.

My original plan was to send a letter and a gift certificate or something to Neighbour and tell him not to mention it to Aunt Toronto, and then figure out how to deal with Aunt Toronto.  However, after talking to my husband and having him call her a raving looney I don't know.  Maybe the neighbour isn't offended, maybe it came across as a joke?

We were thinking of throwing another family BBQ before the end of the summer for Ted's family and mine, but that plan has effectively been cancelled.  Also I had so much fun shopping that I was hoping to do that once in awhile to get out of the house, but I don't think I can do that and avoid going to Aunt Toronto's.

It kept me up last night and I have been in a mopey mood all day.  What do you all think?  Should I send a letter to the neighbour?  With a gift certificate?  Should I let hubby tell Aunt Toronto off for being a raving looney?  I could try e-mailing Aunt Alberta and see if she has any light to shed on the whole incident?  Do you think I deserve the benefit of the doubt since it is completely out of character for me?  I just don't know what to do.

Tomorrow I promise to be less melancholy

It has been one of those weeks.  Disco baby *used* to have a routine, sure it wasn’t perfect; you couldn’t set your watch to it.  I didn’t particularly like the routine, but I really, really miss it now that it is gone.

He would go to bed between 7:30pm and 9pm.  If he went to sleep before 8:30pm it was a bit of a pain because he would wake every 30-45 minutes and need a snuggle; but hey, what are you going to do.  He only went to be early if he wouldn’t go down for his third nap.  He would sleep until 8-9am, not of course uninterrupted but he would only half wake up to eat and then we would both fall asleep again.  No problem.  He would stay up for 30 to 60 minutes in the morning and then sleep for 2 hours.  This is the part I wasn’t in love with.  If I wanted a nap that was too early for me and I couldn’t sleep, but oh well.  It gave me time to get some stuff done (which I never did, I would just read my blogs).  Then he would take a nap around noon and a nap around three (maybe).  The afternoon bit was up in the air but that was ok, it meant if we went out he wasn’t a bear because it was “nap time” he would just roll with it.

Now my hubby would say if it takes 10 minutes to explain a routine, it is not a routine.  But what does he know?

Ha!  Starting last Monday Disco-Baby would get up at 4:30 am and throw a party. Yaaaay!  Then *assuming* I could get him back to sleep by 5:30 or 6am  he *might* sleep till seven.  Owie!  Not good for a night owl like me.  So between being completely exhausted and it being a million degrees I was cranky, the last thing I need was a cranky,  hot, sticky baby who would not NAP!

This was my routine about a million times a day.  Lay him down then he would roll onto his belly.  If he wasn’t already tired he was happy for about 5 minutes then he would start fussing because he didn’t want to hold his head up anymore.  But would he roll over, NO! And if I rolled him over he would scream and roll right back, and fuss because he doesn’t want to be on his belly.  Repeat. 

I tried to pin him down, I tried to use the positioning pillows to prop him on his side(the way he preferred about a month ago.  I tried to get him to sleep in his swing.  I tried to get him to sleep in my lap.  I tried to walk him to sleep.  I tried to get him to sleep in his stroller.  NOTHING!  (And it was waaay to hot to use the carrier).

Just for more fun he would constantly roll onto his belly when he is sleeping.  Not only do I prefer that he sleep on his back because of SIDS, he can not/will not go put himself back to sleep if he wakes.  See he was pretty good about going back to sleep on his own if something would wake him.  So what to do?  Yesterday I tried to encourage him to learn to put himself back to sleep on his belly, by just shhhh-ing him without snuggling and gently putting his head back down when he would lift it up.  But to be honest, I am really nervous about him sleeping on his belly.  I am so worried that he won’t get enough air.  I know they say that once a baby can roll over you do not have to reposition him, but he isn’t terribly good about rolling from his belly to his back.  So if he were struggling in his sleep I do not know if he could roll over or cry so I would know he is in trouble.

So what did you all do when your baby got to this stage?  Let them sleep on their belly or keep rolling them over?

 

(Oh and Disco-Baby says he will nap once he learns to crawl… great.  I think it will be another month before he figures out the whole crawling thing.  Then the fun begins.  I am such a pack rat.  There is clutter everywhere and the house is packed with furniture because we are renovating the basement.)

Every time I see someone write or say something like "I just do what the doctor tells me" or "My doctor knows best" I just want to scream.

Seriously, you know what they call the person who graduated last in their class at Medical school... Doctor.

It is completely unreasonable to expect any one person to a) never have a bad day b) never make a mistake and c) be informed about every aspect of an ever-changing and incredibly vast subject matter.

Do you think doctors have time to research your problem?  Have you EVER heard of a doctor calling a patient back the next day and saying "you know I think I may have made a mistake/not listened to you/etc"?  Have you ever realised later that the advice you gave was wrong?  (Recommended the wrong part or the wrong book, charged the wrong price, given the wrong directions)  Do you think doctors do not have the same problem on occasion?

Do you think doctors are without bias and may not just listen to what you say but hear it through some personal prejudice based on your gender, age, race, income level, clarity, or other factor?  Do you think all doctors are immune to the power bestowed on them?  Power Corrupts.  Another universal rule: people are stupid, stupider than you expect, no exceptions, including yourself.  Certainly, you have had moments where you felt like the dumbest person on the planet.

Not to mention the pharmaceuticals that are lobbying them, the medical association and sometimes hospitals etc putting pressure on them (for example this doctor who resigned when the hospital tried to make her perform more c-sections?)

You can ask 10 doctors to diagnose the same patient and get 10 different diagnoses.  You can give 10 doctors the same diagnoses and they may come up with 10 different ways to treat it.  They can't all be right all the time. 

Doctors are people with their own biases, strengths, weaknesses, skills, training, and foibles.  Doctors are only people; no more, no less.

Disco-Baby fell out of bed… ooops.  Ok it was my fault.  Hubby got up from the nap and said that Disco-Baby is up too but amusing himself.  I should have known better, he was half out of the bed the other day while I was getting dressed; but that time I had left him near the end.  Oh, and no he didn't fall off the side, see I was thinking about getting a side rail.  He fell off the foot of the bed.  He is fine, he fell on the pile of quilts.  There is a quilt folded up as a dog bed, laundry, and then another quilt folded in half over all that where I have slept for a half hour here and there during the night because I am very cranky when it is hot.

See part of me still believed in the "Continuum Concept", you would think I would have learned when after 3 months of carrying my baby (not usually in a carrier, but just in arms) one night, after nights and nights of screaming around 7pm.  I put him down, in his crib in a darkened room.  And he stopped crying (after a few minutes) and fell asleep.  Often I find what he needs is quiet.  If we are out somewhere where everyone is fussing over and starts act cranky I will put him down somewhere safe away from the action for 15-30 minutes.  He doesn't often sleep; he coos, he plays with his hands and feet, and he watches (not people, but light through a window or whatever).

Now, I will admit, that attachment parenting probably didn't work too well because I would just sit with the baby.  I found it too hard to do anything with him in my arms.  Too awkward, I was too worried about hurting him, dropping him, etc, etc.  Also I was tired, desperately tired and breastfeeding did not go well and took up much of my time (oh and pumping, because I was using a nipple shield).  So I guess I wasn't truly following "the method".

(Also, as an aside I find the suggestion that moms use slings almost exclusively, to protect the babies spine ridiculous.  Mom's spine is just as important and for 3 months post partum relaxin is still affecting her joints.  To carry the weight of a baby on one shoulder is bad, really bad.  Wraps are great.  They support the weight on both shoulder, allow for many positions.  However they are hot and kind of awkward)

Ok, back to my point.  The continuum concept states that children won't fall into pits or pools or otherwise hurts themselves.  So I thought, surely Disco-Baby will not *actually* fall off the bed.  Maybe Disco-Baby is too young and should still be "in arms".  Maybe by putting him down I have taught him not to trust his instincts.  Maybe the whole Continuum Concept is a crock of, well you know.  However, it just makes sense to me it says that puppies and kittens don't fall into pools or off cliffs.  But then I realize that puppies and kittens *do* fall into toilets, and although they do not drown, they sometimes can not get out.  Also my mom used to have to rescue the family of wild cats (mom and kittens) from the dumpster all the time.  They would jump in but be unable to get out if the garbage were below a certain level.

So now what to do about Disco-Baby?  I am sure he is not going to go anywhere while I am in bed with him, but a) lately he wants to nap alone (except today when he will not nap AT ALL) and b) I don't want to sleep as much as he does. 

I could put him in his crib but there is no AC in the nursery and it is too hot. 

I could put the side back on the sidecar crib and he could sleep in there.  But frankly at night with the three of us we need the extra space provided by the side car and it isn't often the baby who is sleeping in the crib.  (It's me ok, or at least half of me.)  The second crib will not fit in the bedroom. 

I could maybe put the second crib mattress on the floor but then it would also be a dog bed.  Disco baby could nap on the mattress on the floor.  (I lock the dog out of the room when baby is asleep alone, because he is used to jumping on the bed whenever the other neighbour dogs so he can see out the window.

I could buy/beg/borrow/build a foot board for the bed.  But then I would have to climb over it every time I get into and out of bed.  Which is frequently, and first thing in the morning I barely have the strength to get myself out of bed with the baby in my arms as it is.  (Yes, I would make sure there is no gap for the baby to get stuck, 'k?)

I could put the second AC unit in the nursery.  However we can barely avoid electric as it is. And I am not sure how well it would work.  I mean this week he wants to fall asleep on his own, but next week when it isn't a million degrees… who knows?

We could put the mattress on the floor without the box spring and try to get the crib mattress on the same level so we don't loose space, or try to get another regular mattress (like a double or queen).  Hubby however doesn't seem sold on this idea.  He didn't even really like the old futon we had, said it was too low to the ground.

So fellow co-sleepers what do you think?  (And if you think co-sleeping is dangerous because the adults will roll over and crush the baby I will be happy to debate you sometime.)