You know I have just been reading Her Bad Mother's Basement (which is a totally awesome site and you have to go hang out there) and I have come to a conclusion about the argument with Aunt Toronto after reading this post.  I just couldn’t see it before because I like her so much, but she does not deserve any special status that I do not grant the rest of my family.  Ann Lander’s (I think) used to say something along the lines of “People only treat you they way you let them”.  And it is true.

So I will write a letter to the Neighbour, just in case he is offended, because I honestly do not want to have hurt his feelings.  However I am not going to go out of my way and try to get a gift certificate for him or anything.  I am a SAHM who doesn’t drive and lives in the ‘burbs.  Going places is a nightmare.  Not to mention I don’t have a lot of money.

However, as for Aunt Toronto, I have apologized and I think after 7 years I deserve the benefit of the doubt.  I think my apology should suffice and until she decides to not act like I am worse than a pile of dog shit I am not going over there.  She can invite me over when she is ready.  If FIL comes over again on Saturday then I will go shopping with MIL and then ask her to drop me off back here before she goes to see Aunt Toronto.

This has also been solidified by Hubby pointing out that she didn’t say anything at the time of the incident and neither did anyone else.  And Aunt Toronto isn’t the kind of person not to confront people despite what she said to me in the middle of her lecturing me.  Also, Aunt Alberta probably would have said something too.  This whole incident is bizarre, it is like hearing a storey about your last family get together in which not only do you not remember the events being described, everyone is acting in ways contrary to their nature.  I am not going to obsess and ask MIL and Aunt Alberta if they remember the incident and if I was out of line.

I am not going to loose any more sleep over it (or at least try not to), I have apologized and the ball is back in her court.

lach·ry·mose  (lkr-ms)

adj.

1. Weeping or inclined to weep; tearful.
2. Causing or tending to cause tears.

---

[Latin lacrimsus, from lacrima, tear. See lachrymal.]

(There is a point to all this and I will get there eventually.  However feel free to skip this post if you want, it is just me in a bad mood trying to work through it.  But at least you learned a new word)

 

Every Saturday my mother-in-law goes shopping with her mother who lives close to us.  This Saturday she dropped of my father-in-law to help hubby renovate the basement (which is possible the slowest renovation in history.  I predict it will be done in March.  And by done I mean the drywall will be up and mudded.  I will still need sanding which will somehow get lumped into painting which will become my job and none of the outlet/switch covers will be installed, etc)

Being as there are few things in the world I would like to do less than spend time with my father-in-law I decided the best thing to do would be to pack up Disco-Baby and go out shopping.  I bought a bunch of stuff some of which I needed and some of which I didn't, none of which we could really afford, but what the heck. (49¢ ea for a new toy and two pacifier strings to attach toys to the stroller and some stuff at the dollar store like an egg timer, some new pads for the coffee table legs, clothes pegs, oh I know I am such a big spender.  I did splurge on some discount "hand-crafted chocolates" two boxes at $4 each, but one is *supposed* to be a gift).

Anyway that is not the point of my storey.  After they shop usually what happens is that MIL and grandma drop by to see Wesley, then MIL drops grandma off and goes to visit Ted's aunt (Here on called Aunt Toronto).  Now truth be told Aunt Toronto is my favourite aunt even though I have three of my own.  Her twin sister (here on called Aunt Alberta) is a pretty close second but for obvious reasons I do not see her too often.  Now Aunt Toronto isn't perfect sometimes she drinks to much and gets much to loud for my preference, among other things, but hey no one is perfect. 

A couple of weeks ago Aunt Alberta was in town for 3 weeks.  She spent two weeks at MIL's and the last week at Aunt Toronto's.  Oh she was also in town with her daughter, who I like, but it hitting that awkward teenage stage.  It was a pretty good visit.  Hubby and I (well mostly me) threw ourselves, grandma, and Uncle Kitchener (brother of the aforementioned aunts and MIL) a birthday party.  It was pretty fun.  We also went to Uncle Kitchener's house and his sons new house, visited MILs best friend (who is always fun and cooks amazing Jamaican food).  However there were a bunch of times that they were supposed to call me and tell me what they were up to, but didn't.  I know sometimes there wasn't any room in the car but would it kill them to call and tell me.  Plus often they just hung out at a mall, even my local mall, they could have given me a little notice and I might have decided to hop a bus and join them.  After all, as I am sure most of you know, it is good to get out of the house when you have a baby.  Especially if where you are going is going to have lots of hands to pass him around.  So I had reason to be kind of miffed at them, but I was dealing.

Two days before Aunt Alberta was flying back home Hubby, Disco-Baby and I were out buying diapers and I suggested we drop by Aunt Toronto's and say good-bye to Aunt Alberta in case we didn't see her before she left.  I said we should call, Hubby says it is on the way if they are there they're there otherwise we'll give them a call later.  Now I noticed that Aunt Toronto didn't seem happy to see us.  In fact, she looked down right angry.  I figured it was because they were on there way out somewhere but Aunt Alberta wanted to snuggle Disco-Baby so we were delaying their plans. 

So I decided to tag along with MIL to Aunt Toronto's uninvited.  Aunt Toronto was not happy to see me.  I had no idea why, her neighbour was over but he drops by a lot.  So we visited for a bit and I just wanted to go but MIL was oblivious for the whole thing.  Then Aunt Toronto's best friend showed up and I thought maybe she is just annoyed at me interrupting her plans again. 

Well just before we left while MIL and friend are talking she hits me with it.  Apparently when I was there the time before as we got there neighbour was leaving and I said "Get lost Neighbour"(in a loud, obnoxious and totally serious tone of voice) which completely embarrassed and offended her.  I say apparently because I have no memory of the event and it really doesn't sound like something I would say, especially at someone else's house particularly to Neighbour who I happen to like.  Heck I let him tote Disco-Baby around.  Aunt Toronto is really, really pissed.  I press her for details hoping that if I remember enough of the surround events that moment will pop back into my mind so I can at least explain what the heck I was thinking.  All I can assume is I was making a joke about Neighbour being smart enough to leave when they were going out and me and Family interrupting univited; possible in response to some joking comment that someone (possible Hubby) made that Aunt Toronto didn't over hear.

She said that Hubby would remember because he saw the look she gave me (which I didn't).  He doesn't  have a clue.  He agrees that it absolutely doesn't sound like something I would say.  He wants to confront Aunt Toronto because he can see how upset I am (ok so I was sobbing like a baby, this was in the middle of the Nap Strike).  I am still upset about.  I wish she had of said something to me quietly at the time instead of letting it fester, and so I would remember. 

However, I think after 7 years of doing nothing to piss her off (that I know of) and her really enjoying being my favourite Aunt.  Also, she said when I asked that yes she does generally like me and I don't generally do things like that, or embarrass her, or piss her off.  I think considering all that and my apology that I deserve the benefit of the doubt, or at least a little forgiveness.  I even asked if Neighbour likes chocolate or anything that I can get as a token of apology, but she said just a verbal apology the next time I see him.  However I don't know when that will be as it is clear to me I am not invited back to her place, and to be honest I do not think I want to see her any time soon.  Maybe my apology didn't sound sincere, but it is hard to apologize for something that you do not remember that doesn't sound like something you would do.

My original plan was to send a letter and a gift certificate or something to Neighbour and tell him not to mention it to Aunt Toronto, and then figure out how to deal with Aunt Toronto.  However, after talking to my husband and having him call her a raving looney I don't know.  Maybe the neighbour isn't offended, maybe it came across as a joke?

We were thinking of throwing another family BBQ before the end of the summer for Ted's family and mine, but that plan has effectively been cancelled.  Also I had so much fun shopping that I was hoping to do that once in awhile to get out of the house, but I don't think I can do that and avoid going to Aunt Toronto's.

It kept me up last night and I have been in a mopey mood all day.  What do you all think?  Should I send a letter to the neighbour?  With a gift certificate?  Should I let hubby tell Aunt Toronto off for being a raving looney?  I could try e-mailing Aunt Alberta and see if she has any light to shed on the whole incident?  Do you think I deserve the benefit of the doubt since it is completely out of character for me?  I just don't know what to do.

Tomorrow I promise to be less melancholy

It has been one of those weeks.  Disco baby *used* to have a routine, sure it wasn’t perfect; you couldn’t set your watch to it.  I didn’t particularly like the routine, but I really, really miss it now that it is gone.

He would go to bed between 7:30pm and 9pm.  If he went to sleep before 8:30pm it was a bit of a pain because he would wake every 30-45 minutes and need a snuggle; but hey, what are you going to do.  He only went to be early if he wouldn’t go down for his third nap.  He would sleep until 8-9am, not of course uninterrupted but he would only half wake up to eat and then we would both fall asleep again.  No problem.  He would stay up for 30 to 60 minutes in the morning and then sleep for 2 hours.  This is the part I wasn’t in love with.  If I wanted a nap that was too early for me and I couldn’t sleep, but oh well.  It gave me time to get some stuff done (which I never did, I would just read my blogs).  Then he would take a nap around noon and a nap around three (maybe).  The afternoon bit was up in the air but that was ok, it meant if we went out he wasn’t a bear because it was “nap time” he would just roll with it.

Now my hubby would say if it takes 10 minutes to explain a routine, it is not a routine.  But what does he know?

Ha!  Starting last Monday Disco-Baby would get up at 4:30 am and throw a party. Yaaaay!  Then *assuming* I could get him back to sleep by 5:30 or 6am  he *might* sleep till seven.  Owie!  Not good for a night owl like me.  So between being completely exhausted and it being a million degrees I was cranky, the last thing I need was a cranky,  hot, sticky baby who would not NAP!

This was my routine about a million times a day.  Lay him down then he would roll onto his belly.  If he wasn’t already tired he was happy for about 5 minutes then he would start fussing because he didn’t want to hold his head up anymore.  But would he roll over, NO! And if I rolled him over he would scream and roll right back, and fuss because he doesn’t want to be on his belly.  Repeat. 

I tried to pin him down, I tried to use the positioning pillows to prop him on his side(the way he preferred about a month ago.  I tried to get him to sleep in his swing.  I tried to get him to sleep in my lap.  I tried to walk him to sleep.  I tried to get him to sleep in his stroller.  NOTHING!  (And it was waaay to hot to use the carrier).

Just for more fun he would constantly roll onto his belly when he is sleeping.  Not only do I prefer that he sleep on his back because of SIDS, he can not/will not go put himself back to sleep if he wakes.  See he was pretty good about going back to sleep on his own if something would wake him.  So what to do?  Yesterday I tried to encourage him to learn to put himself back to sleep on his belly, by just shhhh-ing him without snuggling and gently putting his head back down when he would lift it up.  But to be honest, I am really nervous about him sleeping on his belly.  I am so worried that he won’t get enough air.  I know they say that once a baby can roll over you do not have to reposition him, but he isn’t terribly good about rolling from his belly to his back.  So if he were struggling in his sleep I do not know if he could roll over or cry so I would know he is in trouble.

So what did you all do when your baby got to this stage?  Let them sleep on their belly or keep rolling them over?

 

(Oh and Disco-Baby says he will nap once he learns to crawl… great.  I think it will be another month before he figures out the whole crawling thing.  Then the fun begins.  I am such a pack rat.  There is clutter everywhere and the house is packed with furniture because we are renovating the basement.)

Every time I see someone write or say something like "I just do what the doctor tells me" or "My doctor knows best" I just want to scream.

Seriously, you know what they call the person who graduated last in their class at Medical school... Doctor.

It is completely unreasonable to expect any one person to a) never have a bad day b) never make a mistake and c) be informed about every aspect of an ever-changing and incredibly vast subject matter.

Do you think doctors have time to research your problem?  Have you EVER heard of a doctor calling a patient back the next day and saying "you know I think I may have made a mistake/not listened to you/etc"?  Have you ever realised later that the advice you gave was wrong?  (Recommended the wrong part or the wrong book, charged the wrong price, given the wrong directions)  Do you think doctors do not have the same problem on occasion?

Do you think doctors are without bias and may not just listen to what you say but hear it through some personal prejudice based on your gender, age, race, income level, clarity, or other factor?  Do you think all doctors are immune to the power bestowed on them?  Power Corrupts.  Another universal rule: people are stupid, stupider than you expect, no exceptions, including yourself.  Certainly, you have had moments where you felt like the dumbest person on the planet.

Not to mention the pharmaceuticals that are lobbying them, the medical association and sometimes hospitals etc putting pressure on them (for example this doctor who resigned when the hospital tried to make her perform more c-sections?)

You can ask 10 doctors to diagnose the same patient and get 10 different diagnoses.  You can give 10 doctors the same diagnoses and they may come up with 10 different ways to treat it.  They can't all be right all the time. 

Doctors are people with their own biases, strengths, weaknesses, skills, training, and foibles.  Doctors are only people; no more, no less.

Disco-Baby fell out of bed… ooops.  Ok it was my fault.  Hubby got up from the nap and said that Disco-Baby is up too but amusing himself.  I should have known better, he was half out of the bed the other day while I was getting dressed; but that time I had left him near the end.  Oh, and no he didn't fall off the side, see I was thinking about getting a side rail.  He fell off the foot of the bed.  He is fine, he fell on the pile of quilts.  There is a quilt folded up as a dog bed, laundry, and then another quilt folded in half over all that where I have slept for a half hour here and there during the night because I am very cranky when it is hot.

See part of me still believed in the "Continuum Concept", you would think I would have learned when after 3 months of carrying my baby (not usually in a carrier, but just in arms) one night, after nights and nights of screaming around 7pm.  I put him down, in his crib in a darkened room.  And he stopped crying (after a few minutes) and fell asleep.  Often I find what he needs is quiet.  If we are out somewhere where everyone is fussing over and starts act cranky I will put him down somewhere safe away from the action for 15-30 minutes.  He doesn't often sleep; he coos, he plays with his hands and feet, and he watches (not people, but light through a window or whatever).

Now, I will admit, that attachment parenting probably didn't work too well because I would just sit with the baby.  I found it too hard to do anything with him in my arms.  Too awkward, I was too worried about hurting him, dropping him, etc, etc.  Also I was tired, desperately tired and breastfeeding did not go well and took up much of my time (oh and pumping, because I was using a nipple shield).  So I guess I wasn't truly following "the method".

(Also, as an aside I find the suggestion that moms use slings almost exclusively, to protect the babies spine ridiculous.  Mom's spine is just as important and for 3 months post partum relaxin is still affecting her joints.  To carry the weight of a baby on one shoulder is bad, really bad.  Wraps are great.  They support the weight on both shoulder, allow for many positions.  However they are hot and kind of awkward)

Ok, back to my point.  The continuum concept states that children won't fall into pits or pools or otherwise hurts themselves.  So I thought, surely Disco-Baby will not *actually* fall off the bed.  Maybe Disco-Baby is too young and should still be "in arms".  Maybe by putting him down I have taught him not to trust his instincts.  Maybe the whole Continuum Concept is a crock of, well you know.  However, it just makes sense to me it says that puppies and kittens don't fall into pools or off cliffs.  But then I realize that puppies and kittens *do* fall into toilets, and although they do not drown, they sometimes can not get out.  Also my mom used to have to rescue the family of wild cats (mom and kittens) from the dumpster all the time.  They would jump in but be unable to get out if the garbage were below a certain level.

So now what to do about Disco-Baby?  I am sure he is not going to go anywhere while I am in bed with him, but a) lately he wants to nap alone (except today when he will not nap AT ALL) and b) I don't want to sleep as much as he does. 

I could put him in his crib but there is no AC in the nursery and it is too hot. 

I could put the side back on the sidecar crib and he could sleep in there.  But frankly at night with the three of us we need the extra space provided by the side car and it isn't often the baby who is sleeping in the crib.  (It's me ok, or at least half of me.)  The second crib will not fit in the bedroom. 

I could maybe put the second crib mattress on the floor but then it would also be a dog bed.  Disco baby could nap on the mattress on the floor.  (I lock the dog out of the room when baby is asleep alone, because he is used to jumping on the bed whenever the other neighbour dogs so he can see out the window.

I could buy/beg/borrow/build a foot board for the bed.  But then I would have to climb over it every time I get into and out of bed.  Which is frequently, and first thing in the morning I barely have the strength to get myself out of bed with the baby in my arms as it is.  (Yes, I would make sure there is no gap for the baby to get stuck, 'k?)

I could put the second AC unit in the nursery.  However we can barely avoid electric as it is. And I am not sure how well it would work.  I mean this week he wants to fall asleep on his own, but next week when it isn't a million degrees… who knows?

We could put the mattress on the floor without the box spring and try to get the crib mattress on the same level so we don't loose space, or try to get another regular mattress (like a double or queen).  Hubby however doesn't seem sold on this idea.  He didn't even really like the old futon we had, said it was too low to the ground.

So fellow co-sleepers what do you think?  (And if you think co-sleeping is dangerous because the adults will roll over and crush the baby I will be happy to debate you sometime.)

       

It is, quite frankly ONE MILLION DEGREES.  And I am not a fan of the summer at the best of times.  It went up to 36°C (97°F) but with the humidex it was 48°C (118°F).  It felt much, much warmer than that.  With no wind, and it doesn’t cool down at night.

Of course it was almost this hot yesterday and will be the same tomorrow, but I will try to write something at some point.  Until then I just wanted to say:

I promise you a real post later.... but picture this.

2 am, the dog opens the screen door to attack a raccoon that is taunting him through the window.  So hubby runs out and spends 10 minutes trying to break them up....

BUCK NAKED in full view of the street. 

Take that neighbour who hit our car and didn't even leave a note.

(I don't have a picture because I was, sadly, sleeping at the time.  But because I love embarrassing photos of other people as much as the next gal.  Shhhh don't tell hubby)

My "little" baby was too big for his infant car seat before he was even four months old.  He had exceeded the weight and though he was about an inch off the height it just didn't fit right anymore.  But the convertible ones look so scary.  Seriously, they scared me, to think of putting my little guy in there.  He looked like he would be swallowed whole.  They were so upright, he couldn't sit up on his own, he could barely sit upright supported.  I know the convertibles ones say from birth onwards, but I just couldn't see it.  But I knew I had to do something, so the search started.

I read reviews, reviews and more reviews.  I started a spreadsheet to compare the maximum weights and lengths, features, safety standards, prices.  It was a mess <lol>  I started to obsess about the safety reports.  One site would say car seat x was the safest, another site would rank it in the middle (But they are all really, really safe right?  The minimum standards are pretty high, don't you think?).  There were product recalls after product recalls.  Parent reviews of how the strap adjusters stopped working properly rendering the seat unsafe, or this part breaking.  Seats only lasting a year, but other people said the same seat lasted through two kids. 

I know from experience how badly designed some car seats are.  Our infant seat is a nightmare, it was a hand-me-down.  And while I am sure it is perfectly safe, almost everything about it annoys me.  I can barely get the handle up or down.  To adjust the harness straps takes a pair of pliers, 15 minutes and brute strength.  Really they should be adjusted before each trip, particularly in the spring where one day baby is wearing a snowsuit and the next day just a t-shirt. Buckling the harness is also a pain.  It can appear to be in, when it is not.  Sometimes it trips into locked when the belt isn't in, so you can't get the belt in until you press the release button again.  Also, I find it hard to lift the seat straight up while pulling the release on the base.

I also firmly believe that if 70% of car seats are installed incorrectly, 100% (or close to it) are designed incorrectly, because I really doubt that parents don't care.  My friend had her infant seat installed by the police (a free service here).  It took two grown men to push down hard enough and tighten the belt enough to get it in properly.  That is nuts.

So here I am looking for the safest, perfectly designed car seat, with the biggest weight allowance and the lowest price without leaving the house.  (Which is impossible because really how do you know how easier it is to use the latches/buttons etc without using them yourself).  When someone threw a wrench into the works. 

There is one infant seat on the market that doesn't have an upper weight limit of 20/22lbs.  It goes up to 30 lbs and says it fits 97% of babies at one year.  However when you read the fine print that statement is based on the growth charts and the growth charts do not cover a lot of babies it seems to me.  I know Disco-Baby has gone from 50^th percentile to off the top of the charts, but will probably slow and end up back on the charts again, because breastfed babies do that compared to the old charts based on formula feedings and early introduction to solids.  However I also have this fear that he will continue to grow exponentially leaving the charts further and further behind.  (And no I don't think he is too fat, though he is pretty chubby, he is also off the chart for length).  This infant seat also has some other cool features, like a level adjuster so you don't have to use towels and a level indicator so you know when it is at the right level (Duh!  Why don't they all have this!!!!) 

So then I stopped, I couldn't decide what would be better.  This infant seat and hope it would take him through to when he can go front-facing.  Then get a front-facing only seat that are a) often cheaper than convertible ones, b) have bigger upper weight limits, and c) will fit him comfortable at a year when he is more of a toddler size.  Or to get the convertible one, which will probably fit him comfortable for a years and if it doesn't I can always replace it. (Because I am made of money after all)

So I gave up and waited for a sign from God or someone (like hubby) to make up my mind for me.

It is more than a month later, and Disco-baby can sit up more or less now, so we will probably get a convertible one.  However, I still have stage fright about it.  But hopefully this week me, hubby and my mom (who is paying for it yaaaaaaaaaaaaay.  Oh likes she one of the Eddie Bauer convertables) will find a store and go sit Disco-Baby in a bunch of them.  Adjust the straps, use the buttons, and see if they fit in the back of our little car.  Hopefully one will leap out as the obvious best for Disco-Baby (because babies are all different, like Disco-Baby's cousin who is almost two and weighs only a pound or two more than him and happily fit in the same infant seat we are using until she was walking.  I know because I happened to be there when they installed the anchor)

So, any last minute advice?  (And do you think I am neurotic?  Honestly, at least I haven't rushed Disco-Baby off to the ER and doctors repeatedly and I don't care when dogs lick him or he puts weird things in his mouth…. That makes me not neurotic right <lol>)

Tonight I put Disco-Baby to bed early.  I hate doing this, if he goes to sleep between 7 and 8:30 pm he is up every 15 minutes until 9pm.  Then he sleeps (well except for his feedings ever 2-3 hours<lol> but for those he eats in his sleep).  But he was tired, cranky and just not going to take it anymore so I put him to bed. 

When I finally escaped, it was only 10 minutes before I was in there again.  He wasn’t awake he wasn’t asleep.  He wanted to snuggle and suck his thumb, he wanted to nurse and not touch me (You just can’t do all those things at once).  I got him back to sleep, read beside him for awhile and then snuck away thinking he would sleep for a bit.

I came out to my computer and I hear “rattle”.  Hmmm… strange.  Maybe I am hearing things “rattle, rattle”… “rattle, rattle, rattle”.  I had to go peek, usually he can’t hold the bunny that long or looses interest.  So I snuck up on him, but he caught me, so I climbed into bed.  I decided to read and let him play.  I just wanted to make sure he didn’t get stuck under a pillow again or something. 

So he lay on one side of the bed and I lay on the other reading and just looking over now and then.  Suddenly he is beside me on his belly.  Aha!  Caught him! The other day I found him with a sheet that I had left in the crib (it is up against the bed without a side as a co-sleeper) but he was exactly where I left him in the middle of the bed. 

Disco-Baby is too cute on his belly, but he normally won’t volunteer to be that way.  Also when we put him on his belly when he decides is done he cries until we roll him over.  I know he can do it himself, but he won’t.  But he starts rooting around my breast trying to find my nipple.  I figured once I gave it to him he would roll into a comfortable position to nurse in, so I lifted my shirt and undid my bra.  WRONG.  He wanted to nurse on his belly. 

I let him try for a few minutes but it was too painful for me, so I rolled him onto his side.  And he screamed, and screamed, and would have nothing to do with my breast.  So I rolled him back onto his belly and moved around until I could find a way for him to nurse.  Until he started to fall asleep, then we moved back to a normal nursing position.

He wants it his way, and he gets it his way…

I am doomed.